Ash (shesgotgreyeyes) wrote in altparent,


okay excuse the many typos I know I will make I'm just gonna get this out there now and hope theres a few of you online maybe with some advice.

I am in the process of leaving my daughters father, now I do not work because a) I want to be a stay at home mom and b) I have a multitude of disabilities that prevent me from doing so. this being the case I have had to apply for wellfare here in canada. The way it works is, I am not allowed to be living in his apt, er OUR apt while I apply but I had NO where else to go, all of my friends either live with their parents or in tiny apartments and have their own issues and just werent able to put me up but one of them agreed to "say" I was living there, so for all intents and purposes I am living at "Bonnies". The first few days of application I was looking in to going to a shelter and believe it or not every single bed was taken that entire weekend, after my initial meeting with the worker she informed me I could not apply while in a shelter anyway because they would be supplying me with all my needs, which REALLY makes no sense but this lady is causing me enough grief, I don't want to push her. Now here is where the emergency help comes in..

Thismorning he tossed her very roughly onto to the bed, to the point she was actually crying so hard she vomited (or maybe it's the virus I suspect she has, either was a good arc in the air) I screamed uncontrollably when he first did it but then I shut up knowing that if I didnt say anything I'd at least have time to stay right there watching him like a hawk and contemplating what to do, and then I cracked and grabbed her and just started sobbing un controllably, I feel like my hands are completely tied, I am trying to get out of here and get her away from him but if I actually call the police or CAS everyone will know I have been staying here and that in a round about way will actually ensure that I cannot leave (Plus ill be in major shit with wellfare) but on the other hand I've decided yes I want him to still have visitation rights but ALWAYS supervised and if i dont have something official on paper thats unlikely to happen. brian in this oh so CLASSIC way tried to convince me that no one would believe me anyway.. I mean how classic can you get.

The thing is if I do 99% of Drew related things there is never a problem I've got little over a week to go before June 1st when I can move (Hopefully) do I risk screwing up my chances of getting out permenantly and seek help now, or do I just make sure I do all of the work? I am 100% positive that he won't do it again, I know he's scared otherwise he wouldnt have mentioned no one believing me, I am trying to do what is best for drew and I know under 99.9% of cercumstances it would be to leave immediately but in this case that could prevent me from leaving in the future so it's the lesser of two evils. There is also a slight possibility of going to my old foster parents but I know they are extremely busy right now and have their house being done and it also complicates things when I have to tell CAS and Wellfare that I've moved again theyre going to get suspicious and again Im risking screwing up my chances of getting out for good this is what I am keeping in my mind, lesser of two evils, getting my OWN PLace is what really needs to be done to keep drew and myself safe in the longrun. This is so difficult for me because it's not like he punched her in the face or whipped her or something blatantly abusive, he claims it just happened because she was arching her back and he "dropped her" but he's done this before (again,, when I was doing less work than usual with her) and the arc of her decent was frighteningly high im not good with measurements, but I guess one armspan in height.

I know no one can make this decision for me but any support or maybe advice would be appreciated, all I can think of is that I'm a horrible mother for not being able to think of a better solution and I know thats not really the case but this is just ridiculous.
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